Money Vs. Happiness

Apparently money doesn't equal happiness, right?
But, without money, Ryan can't travel the world.
If Ryan can't travel the world, he is not happy.
So for Ryan to be happy, he needs money.

To get money, Ryan works as a kindergarten teacher in Taiwan.
Teaching kindergarten does not make Ryan very happy
If Ryan wants to be happy, he needs to stop teaching Kindergarten

If Ryan quits kindergarten, then he has no money
No money means Ryan cannot travel the world
Ryan must keep teaching kindergarten so that he has money to travel the world and be happy but Ryan wants to kill himself every day at kindergarten.

Thoughts of death: Not very happy.

Problem.


So my memory of deductive and inductive arguments from Philosophy 101 is a little sketchy, and I don't know if my justification is valid, but I quit my Kindergarten job yesterday. Saying goodbye to more than a third of my income is going to sting a little, but I couldn't put up with it anymore. The age old 'money vs happiness' debate has been running through my head for the last month, and has nearly driven me to the edge of insanity, so I did something about it.

I am not cut out to be a kindergarten teacher. I know this now. And, I am especially not meant to be an ESL kindergarten teacher in a horribly run school where chaos seems to be what they strive to achieve. No help from Chinese teachers, kids that don't understand a word I say, no communication or instruction from the boss, a curriculum that doesn't work, and an expectation that Ryan is supposed to hold the attention of, control and teach a class of 20 children of all different English abilities shit they don't want to learn all at the same time while breaking up fights, consoling sobbing children, singing songs, teaching phonics, getting sneezed on right in the face, and hearing TEACHER! TEACHER! TEACHER! TEACHER! being screamed by every single kid that wants my attention that i cannot give them because I'm too busy trying to stop one little hell child from running around the room destroying and making a mess of anything he can find.

This is how I start my days. Or rather, it was how i started my days.

I came to the conclusion that keeping that job just for the money so I could take off in June and travel the world just wasn't worth it. I'd rather coast by on my part time job that still gives me ample money to live comfortably, pay off student loans, and still save money. it wasn't worth my sanity to continue putting myself through 2 hours of stress every morning. I might regret it when come June I have $3000 less money in my bank account, but I'll deal with that then.

My Grade 4 teaching job gives me enough stress as it is, and i have chosen to focus on it instead. I'll have my mornings free to do whatever I like, and I've decided to take up photography. I'll have more time to figure out a way to get through to my grade 4 class, which I am attempting to repair the damage of two years worth of teachers who gave them no discipline, taught them nothing, and obviously let them do whatever the hell they wanted while showing no signs of respect whatsoever. They bitch about doing work, complain about everything, and think I'm a horrible person because i make them follow rules. Yesterday I made a little girl leave school sobbing into her fathers arms because I wouldn't let her get away with mischievously hide her spelling test score from her parents, and I got a death threat from my student has serious rage issues and who I am convinced is going to commit murder in his lifetime.

Student: "Teacher Ryan, I am going to kill you"
Me: "Johnson! I don't ever want to hear something like that joked about in this classroom ever again!"
Student: "I am not Joking"

Yeah, so I remember the repercussions I faced in Grade 6 when I called ms Fanzega a bum. I don't even want to think about what would have happened to me If i yelled death threats at a teacher.

Anyway, the bottom line is my most recent update to report to the masses is that i am now no longer a kindergarten teacher. Just a part time ESL teacher with a lot more time on his hands, a lot less stressed, with a little less cash to burn.

But I'm feeling pretty happy.

When I grow up....

What I now know I don't want to be when I grow up:

#1 - A teacher

King for a Day

Only in Taiwan.....

I won't write anything about this adventure. Instead, I'll just leave it up to your imaginations to guess what I got myself into this time.

Hint: It involved the Mayor of Taichung, the media, water balloons, a gladiator, a bunch of slaves, a whole lot of people, and me at the center of it all!

The Beauty of it All

Love it, hate it, take it, or leave it.... I live in Taiwan.

I've always felt that a title of a book, chapter, or blog post can say so much more than the body of text that proceeds it. In the case of today's post, I happen to feel that the title in which I've chosen does more than simply sum up my writing of the day. Instead, it captures something greater, something deep inside that toys with my emotions on an hourly basis and acts as a metaphor for the roller coaster ride of chaos that is life in Taiwan.

Ok, so i ripped the title off from somewhere else. It still counts. I can say this because I saw the quote in a magazine last week during my near mental breakdown, and I made me do a lot of thinking. It just seemed to be a fitting line to sum up the thoughts and emotions that occur within my own head. So I stole it. I stole it because it is the perfect quote to relay to you the view of Taiwan I see through my own eyes; How all the highs and lows seem to come together to form and odd sense of beauty... somewhere in amongst the chaos.

This so called beauty will present itself in the oddest of ways a the most unexpected times. And we're not really talking aesthetic beauty, because I gave up on finding that within my first few hours on this island. I'm talking about little things that make my laugh, that remind me why I'm here. The things that happen subtly during routine daily activities that simply would not happen back home, and add to the adventure of experiencing life in a foreign country.

This beauty can come in the form of personal satisfaction, like successfully ordering 20 dumplings to go after two months of confusion and hand signals in an almost daily adventure of chaos and miscommunication. While saying the number '20' may seem like a retardedly simple task, I obviously haven't come close to mastering the tones of the Chinese language. Maybe today was just lucky, and tomorrow I'll be back to blank stares and stupefied looks as i wave my hands around in the air to represent the tones I'm trying to express orally. Today however, I felt proud, so I'll savor that for a moment.

This beauty can also come in the form of humor, like when I'm trying to decide what to order from another roadside food stall when I'm sick of dumpling guy failing to understand me. As i stand there contemplating which mystery meat has the best odds of actually being chicken, a little old lady sanders up beside me and puts what is unmistakably 4 giant pieces of chicken in her basket to be deep fried. And how do I know hers was chicken? Because they were feet. I had a hankering for late night chicken nugget snack, she felt more like gnawing off the skin of some feet. I couldn't help but chuckle.

The humor isn't even really humor. Its just all the stupid things you see that make you think "nope, wouldn't see that at home," and have yourself a good laugh. Like the old man ripping through an intersection on what was obviously a homemade scooter, followed closely by a father doubling his 3 year old son on a bicycle. The child's bicycle! Images of clowns on miniature bikes at the circus come to mind really quick.

Then there are the heart touching moments like when one the out of control kindergarten students I teach will just stop randomly to say "I love you Teacher Ryan" and give me a big hug. Or when they draw me a picture of my family and somehow remember that my sister's name is Julie, even though they can't tell me one word that starts with the letter B. There are also the everyday people that, despite the language barrier, are able to communicate a feeling of generosity and friendliness through the simple act of a smile.

The list does go on. There's the fact that in a City of 3 million people, I randomly run into about 5 people a day i know, making me feel like the most popular kid in school. And what could make a person feel more proud than to hear the phrase "are you shotgunning a beer?" from a random dude on a motorcycle behind you as you prepare to down an 80 cent beer outside a 7-11? Or the fact that for $2 Canadian, you can have a dinner consisting of delicious dumplings, fried Squid (the mystery meat wasn't chicken after all) and a beer - all within a 30 second walk from your door. Or noodles, sushi, rice, pastries, soups, and anything else you happen to crave at 4am.

There's the bonus of having money, and living a lifestyle equivalent to upper middle class back home, all because you are white. Saving money should be pretty simple here, as long as I stay away from the booze. Which, despite what it may sound like from the previous paragraph, I have actually done a good job on. Amanda, on the other hand, may be developing a problem....

I felt that after my last post, I needed a fair and balanced view of Taiwan. So, after having a much better week and getting a bit more sleep, i have bounced back to a somewhat normal state of mind. I can say that for every shitty thing that frustrates and annoys the hell out of me, there always seems to be something that reminds me that coming here was a good choice to make.

I'm quite positive that Taiwan was designed to push a foreigner's patience and sanity to the limit. The traffic, the pollution, the language barrier, the racism, the lack of order, and the fact that you can touch all 4 walls of a bathroom at once while squatting over a toilet with your pants pulled up on one leg doing the chicken dance and dodging the urine. I think if you can deal with the negatives with an easy going attitude and not let anything get to you, than you can save your energy to fully appreciate the subtle beauty that Taiwan has to offer.

And that, is the beauty of it all.

Catching my Breath

wow, so where to begin.

Life in Taiwan has become a little more dramatic in the last few weeks. The 2 week buildup of stress, lack of sleep, 14 hour work days, self reflection, and a general frustration with this country's lack of common sense all came to a point yesterday. I'm now proud to say I've experienced my first "I hate Taiwan" moment, and narrowly avoided a complete mental breakdown. Barely.

So I left off back at the end of February, when I was enjoying a nice week off from anything during the Chinese new year. Then, the relaxation stopped and the circus began. My kindergarten stopped being fun playtime with my 8 students, and turned into a gong show with 20 kids and an expectation that I could get them all to settle down and concentrate on learning phonics when they cannot speak English and just want to run around and hit each other.

I began my main teaching gig: attempting to teach the grade 4 class from hell that has no concept of discipline, respect, or a desire to learn anything. Somehow, this country believes that a foreigner with no experience can just walk into a classroom and know everything about how the school works, what to teach, and how to plan his syllabus for the entire 4 month semester. Teaching them anything has taken a back seat to just simply restoring order to a classroom that the previous teacher gave up on and quit.

so, for the past 2 weeks, i have basically got up bright and early every day, gone to my mentally exhausting kindergarten job, then hopped on my scooter and gone straight to my other job early to try and figure out what the hell I'm doing. I've been in a constant struggle trying to get ahead in my lesson planning, only to fall back behind again and end up staying up till the late evening hours to have something for the next day. Yesterday, it all just kinda hit me. I was burnt out.

I tried to tell my boss i didn't want to work at the kindergarten anymore, but she gave me a vote of confidence and told me i was doing fine and not to worry so much. We'll see how it goes. I'm banking on the fact that this is all apparently normal everyone's first time here teaching, and it will get easier.

Had a good night of drinking last night, which was a good release. On my way to go out for a good old fashion hamburger. I'm realizing that this post sucks, as i have written it quickly and I'm not in a writing or proofreading mood, but figured i should at least write something now that i have a few days off to catch my breath before i get right back at 'er tomorrow trying to plan my weeks lessons.

sorry it sucks, that's all i got for today.