The official Launch of ryanharringtonphotography.com!

Check out the new site!

The Show

Check out the pics from my first exhibition ever!  I should have taken more photos, but I was too busy drinking, mingling, and eaves-dropping on people oohing and aahing over my photos.

Gallery Premier

Ryan's Gallery Debut

This Sunday, I officially become an artist.  Its all been spur of the moment, and super stressful, but I have 2 walls in a big art exhibit all to myself.  I've decided to go with a black and white theme of my recent trip to Malaysia.  Check out the pics that made the cut here:

Malaysia 2007

Beware: Many photos look like crap in the slideshow on a PC.  For best results, get a mac.

More Random Malaysia Photos

Those of you on facebook have probably seen these already, others can enjoy them now through these nice, nifty little links for your own convenience.

Malaysia: Batch 2

Malaysia: Batch 3

Pabuk Sucks

Update:

Typhoon Pabuk missed. Nuts. He took a turn south and further away from Ryan. I guess I'll just have to wait for the next tropical depression (forming now) to turn into a typhoon and head west. Typhoon season in taiwan is gonna be fun!

Meet Typhoon Pabuk

This is Typhoon Pabuk. He is expected to hit Taiwan sometime late Tuesday night/early Wenesday morning. Ryan is excited. He has never experienced a typhoon or hurricane before. Ryan lives where the "M" is in "3AM Wed" on th diagram above. Ryan is hoping the storm moves a little higher, picks up some steam, and hits Taichung dead on. He is up high on the 5th floor, so he should be ok. Perhaps he will not have to work tomorrow because of a "typhoon day". Sure beets the hell out of lame old 'snow days'!

Malaysia: Batch One

I took too many photos in Malaysia.

This little dream I have of becoming a decent photographer is being developed through a giant process of trial and error, and most of the 1400 or so photos I took on this trip were complete crap. While every once in a while i get the settings right and come across a photo that surprizes myself, most of what I take does nothing but fill up space on my memory card.

So, as i sift through 1400 some odd photos and pick out the ones I like, I'll slowly begin to post some online. Here is batch number one, in no particular order or theme:

Singapore/Malaysia 2007 - Batch 1

Return to Formosa

Right on time, at exactly 8:09 am, the familiar tone of the garbage truck's Beethoven's Für Elise blares full blast in the street below my bedroom window. As the sound echoes and amplifies back and forth between the buildings of the alley, I am jarred from my sleep and instantly reminded of where I am. I am home. Well..... in Taiwan anyway.

It is definitely a weird feeling, returning back to Taiwan and feeling like i am back 'home' after 3 weeks in Malaysia. The last 3 weeks seem like a blur, yet also an eternity at the same time. Back in Taiwan i feel like I am back in a familiar place, yet lost all over again.

The winds of change are in the air, and things are going to be a lot different in the coming year. I can feel it and I'm not quite sure what to expect.

I apologize for my laziness and the fact that I didn't write anything my entire time in Malaysia. I'm beginning to feel that I've lost my motivation to share my travel stories with the masses. I had a great time, saw a lot of cool stuff, met some really special people, but it becomes different to continually glamorize everything in a way that makes it interesting for everyone to read. For the most part, the best of the memories are in my head and of no interest to most people, and the rest can easily be summed up as follows:

Flew to Singapore with Amanda and Elaine, met up with Lenny, did some sightseeing, Hit up the town and got smashed, and then left for Malaysia. In Malaysia, visited Ming, Horng, and Yuyu in their home town of Muar. Met all their families and got a locals perspective and tour of the area. Then left with a growing gang of friends from Taiwan, Friends from Canada, and friends of Friends for Redang island in the north (some funny stories there, perhaps that will inspire me to write more about later) . After Redang, split from the crew, went into the jungle. Came out of the jungle and went to visit a recently acquired friend in Kuala Lumpur. Had an amazing weekend trip up to Kuala Sengalor that got the gossip birds chirping and which I'm not going to write about. Then left for Some amazing Diving on Tioman Island, before heading back to Singapore and getting wasted again with Lenny for his birthday. It all goes full circle. Flew home the next day and I begin work again on Wednesday.

That's the extreme Coles Notes version and about all I feel like writing about. If people read this and want to know more, then let me know the demand for more 'Ryan stories' is out there and maybe I'll take the time to write more.

If not, stay tuned in the coming weeks for photos, they tell a pretty good stories themselves.

A Day's Work

Here are the last of my photos from Taiwan before I take off to Malaysia Friday. Taken during a walk around Taichung with Elaine the other day. Just a bunch of random shots, hope you all enjoy looking at them. Stay posted to the blog for pics and stories from my month in Malaysia and Singapore beginning Friday.

Check out my random pics of Taichung here.

Photos Revisited

Unable to sleep last night at 3am, I decided to go back and touch up a few older photos. Check out the album of Photos revisited by clicking here

Know your Audience

Time: 12:30am ish
Place: Some random German Engineer's Apartment
Event: My friend Elaine's going away party
Crowd: Me, Amanda, Amy, Elaine, A whole bunch of Germans, A couple of Taiwanese, some Norwegians, and A Musician from France.

So I'm good and drunk by this point, and I decide to wander out of the 'dancing' room where I was getting tired of doing my usual thing of mock dancing everyone. I leave behind me the blaring beat of 'Funkytown' and sander into the living room where the aforementioned French Musician has the entire room of about 15 people captivated. His musical talents on the clarinet, or saxophone, or whatever it was he was playing were definitely worthy of respect, and he deservedly received a good round of applause as he finished his piece.

So the applause stops, and there's this brief moment of silence. That perfect gap between the roaring round of applause, and people resuming their discussions. That split second of time that is just all to perfect to let go to waste. That golden moment where an aptly timed and delivered joke or witty remark would be thrust clearly upon the ears of the entire audience, making you the comical hit of the party. Someone had to take advantage and say something funny.

"Wow! The French are good for something!" I say. (Cue two hits of a snare followed by a cymbal).

It was perfect! The timing, the delivery, it was all perfect. The kind of delivery that should have had the entire party laughing in hysterics!

tap tap tap: Is this thing on?

What does Ryan get? Nothing but a bunch of blank faces staring at him in confusement as their ESL brains try to figure out what it was I was trying to say.

"What?" says Frenchy as he looks at me dumbfounded. He wants me to explain to him the meaning of what I just said. Did I like his music? Did I hate the French? Somehow the joke was just lost on everyone. Trying to explain to Frenchy and the crowd the beauty of my own sarcastic geniusness was hopeless; how I had, in one single remark, both complemented him on his music while making fun of the entire history of French civilization at the same time. They just weren't gonna get it.

My lesson learned: ESL crowds don't make good audiences for my sarcastic wit.

long Overdue

I think I’m getting soft. I painted my bedroom and bought nice sheets. I haven’t been drunk in over 2 months and my upcoming vacation will be less than a month long. I’ve been doing some deep thinking about my future financial affairs. What is happening to me?

Lately I’ve been beginning to scare myself. I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, and perhaps its time I filled everyone in on what’s new. I was going to write this in the theme of another long, drawn out, deep reflection on life, but I decided instead to spare you all the agony. I’ll save that part for my book.

The trouble with not writing for a while is that I let so much stuff build up that it becomes a chore to sum it all up. So I continue to put it off until finally I just decide to sit down and write one of these half assed summaries because I’m too lazy to write everything I’ve wanted to write for the last month or so.

So what is new with Ryan? Well, the kittens are gone. One was adopted, two were given to an animal shelter, and one of them was lost during a tragic little ‘incident’. Mom (sadly, she never got a proper name) was fixed and released back onto the streets. As sad as it sounds, I think that is what is best for her. She seemed happy to be released into the gardens around our old apartment. That is where she belongs.

Amanda and I are now living in a new apartment. We now only have to walk up 60 stairs instead of 66. I’m still blown away every day by the convenience of a refrigerator. Funny how you can live with an amenity for 24 years, go without it for 5 months, and then be astonished at its convenience again in a form of appreciation you never had for the last 24 years.

I have a bedroom with a giant king sized bed, a balcony, a TV, and an ensuite bathroom. I painted the walls a bluish-green and bought sheets to match. Together, it all adds up to be the nicest bedroom I’ve ever had. Amanda thinks my décor is ugly because it’s something her mom would love, therefore she can’t possibly admit to liking it. She prefers the blinding beams of yellow and ‘supernova’ orange paint in her room that penetrate your cornea and knock out a few retinas every time you hit the light switch.

My job is winding down to an end. Only 2 more weeks with the little shitheads and I’m done. I’m not quite sure about my future at the same school next year, as enrollment is down and there will be fewer classes next year, therefore less teaching positions. I’m crossing my fingers that the numbers stay above 11 in one of the 2nd grade classes, in which case that would be my class. It would be nice to have a small class of grade two’s who still like their teacher and don’t swear at him in Chinese, throw things at him, or mutter death threats under their breath.

I’m still trying to accept the fact that I only get a month off for vacation this summer. I know by normal people’s standards working 4 months and then getting one month off seems like a sweet deal, but I expect more for myself. Anyway, one month will have to suffice, and I have chosen to spend it in Malaysia and Singapore. I will be flying into Singapore with Amanda and Amy on the 6th of July. There we will meet up with my friend Lenny from Victoria, and then we will make our way into southern Peninsular Malaysia to meet up with my friend Ming in his hometown of Muar. Sound too much like a planned travel itinerary for solo backpacker Ryan? Well, that’s what I thought too. So I booked a roundtrip flight from Johor Bahru to northern Sabah, where I will finally step foot on one of the most amazingly diverse islands in the world: Borneo. It’s just a shame that I only get 2 ½ weeks there before I have to fly home to Taiwan to either start working at my current school, or begin the job hunt.

I don’t really know what I will accomplish in my short stop on Borneo, but I’m going to attempt to climb the highest mountain in SE Asia, do some scuba diving in world renowned dive sites, and explore some ancient rainforests at the very least.

So that’s the scoop on my life here in Taiwan. I’m sorry for being lazy and not keeping in touch with you all through phone or emails. I’m sorry for neglecting my blog and not putting in the effort to ‘entertain the masses’ on a daily basis anymore. I haven’t forgotten about any of you and I do miss you all. Anyone for Borneo in July?

This has been the word according to Scurvy…

PS. Happy Fathers Day Dad! I had no idea it came and went already. I guess they don’t celebrate it here?

Also, here is a link to some photos some of you may not have seen yet:
Sunsets 'n Stuff

What the future holds for Ryan

It looks like I'll be staying put in Taiwan for a while.

Those who know me well know that I don't really know what the hell I am doing. I came here to Taiwan in January on a sort of "trial basis", thinking that I'd test out the waters and see how long I intended to stay. Part of the reason for me coming here was to save up money quickly and take off travelling to India for at least 6 months.

That's not gonna happen. At least for a while...

Through my ups and downs in Taiwan these last couple of months, I've wavered back and forth on the idea of leaving for good at the end of June. As I dream up schemes and ideas in my head as to what to do next, I always end up back in Taiwan. Most of this is due to a complete lack of realistic options elsewhere, but as of late, staying put is starting to feel like the right thing to do.

Life is one big question mark. I don't know if other people feel the same, but I am constantly in a state of dissatisfaction in life, gazing towards the future while never really stopping to enjoy the present. This is a problem. At the same time that I know I do this, I never really look back on my past as uneventful or boring, nor do I ever feel that I've wasted any of my years on this earth. So whatever I'm doing with my life must be worth enjoying in the moment instead of looking to the future. With this in mind, I've begun to really consider my situation here in Taiwan.

I have a pretty damn easy life. I work 24 hours a week, only about 10 of which I am teaching students. The money I make is more than enough to get by on, and stll have lots to spend on things like a brand new SLR camera and save money to fund my vacation in July. The only real stress i have to deal with is the way time slows to a stop when I'm waiting for the traffic light to turn green so I can make a right turn (what a stupid law that is).

So, Amanda and I decided to move out of our home in the ghetto, and move up a notch into the upper class projects. We move into our new place in June, and it is a considerable step up in the world of Taiwan's accommodations. We still have five flights of stairs and no elevator, but we now have furniture, a fridge, a washing machine, air conditioning, an extra bedroom for guests, and I have an enormous king size bed that isn't as hard as a rock.

I'm taking one month off work in July, and I'll most likely be back at work at the start of August. I fly in and out of Singapore, and I'm toying with the idea of skipping over to Borneo for some jungle exploration and Mountain Climbing. Details of that trip are still up in the air. Its not 6 months in India, but I can't really complain about a month of vacation after 4 months of part-time work. I think I've got it pretty easy.


This has been the World According to Scurvy.

A fresh new look

You may have noticed if you've checked my blog lately that i've been experimenting with some new designs for the title banner of my blog. You all probably don't care, and in reality, this is a completely useless thing to do, but well, I'm bored.

Check out my latest idea that may be the basis for a finalized version soon to appear on my real blog at www.testingscurvy.blogspot.com

If you are reading this in my facebook notes, you will have to go to my actual blog to see what i am talking about www.scurvysworld.blogspot.com

Let me know what you think if you care.

The Rat Pack

One Rainy Saturday

Woke up Saturday morning with the intention of spending the day in the country with my camera. I got out to the country... just in time for a typhoon like storm to come out of nowhere and well... yada yada yada... I got wet. Shit happens.

I then came home to have Amanda point out the fact that the water level on the roof of our building (which also doubles as our patio and the trash storage area for our entire building) was rising somewhat quickly and coming close to flooding our apartment. Hmm... might be a good time to move before the real typhoons come....

As we were watching the roof flood and dreaming about getting out of the projects, we happened to see a cat dart across our roof with what looked to be a giant white mouse in her mouth. We followed it to find not a cat with fresh prey, but a cat with three tiny, wet, shivering little kittens huddled in a corner behind a block of cement.

Amanda, of course, just couldn't let them stay there, so we managed to get them inside our apartment (I still don't really know how I feel about this idea). After about half an hour, I started thinking about the possibility that the mother cat might have been in the process of moving all her kittens to safety, and perhaps there were more somewhere on our roof. So, I went out searching through all the crap in the rain, and found another one, huddled by itself in the corner of a torn up old recliner chair that had flooded in the storm.

So Yay! Amanda and I are now the caretakers of not only one stray street cat and her four 2-3 week old kittens, but all their flees and bugs that came with them as part of the package deal. Good thing we don't use our kitchen for food preparation.

Basically, our options are to either throw them back outside and let them fend for themselves, take them to a pound or vet (where they will most likely be put down because not many people here like cats), or let them stay with us until they are old enough to leave the mother, and then try and guilt trip people into adopting them. As much as I really don't like the idea of keeping them, I don't exactly think I could go through with the first two options. Looks like Ryan's got some new roommates!

We've named them already. The white one is called 'Mouse' cause I thought he was one. The black one is called 'Panther', cause well, he looks like a panther. The grey and black striped one is 'Tiger', cause he looks like a tiger, he's feisty, and his other siblings have animal names. And the grey and black striped one with white paws is called 'St. Anthony' after the patron saint of lost articles. He doesn't fit the "random animal" theme, but I felt it was fitting because he was left behind in the rain and would have died, had I not gone out searching for more kittens on the roof. Good old St. Anthony has been busy helping Ryan find stuff lately, so I named a kitten after him to show him my appreciation.

I have a feeling they aren't leaving soon, so keep posted for updates.

I haven't really taken any good photos of them yet, for I don't want to use the flash on their young little eyes and I can't get good lighting. But, I'm sure there will be plenty of pics in the weeks to come.

No stories, just photos

International Spankout Day (Its not what you think)
Taichung Randomness Just a bunch of Random Randomness

If you haven't noticed, these photos are posted on Facebook. If you don't have facebook, you are a looser. Get it.

Canucks win, My Camera is lost, and St. Anthony comes through in the clutch.

Wow.

Ryan would like to let it be known that he is temporarily stripping himself of his self-proclaimed genius status.

He would also like to thank his boy, St. Anthony, for keeping his brand new $1000 camera safe for 18 hours on Tuesday, as it sat by itself on the side of the road.

While he's at it, Ryan would also like to request that anyone who reads this gives Ryan a verbal lashing for getting extremely wasted, driving his scooter, blacking out, and waking up the next morning without his backpack containing his brand new camera and his students' midterm exams.

After the longest, most tiring, most depressing and exhausting day of his life, Ryan was on his way home to go to bed and wallow in his own self pity, when he miraculously happened to spot his backpack lying on the curb about a block away from his house. Presumably the location where he chose to sit down and either puke his brains out, or drink and dial, this is where Ryan and his backpack parted ways the night before.

There is of coarse a lot more to this story, but as usual, I'm too lazy to type it.

Ryan's laying off the booze for a while and spending some time self evaluating his actions and determining what his punishment will be.

My New Toy

Free from the hellhole that was my old kindergarten job, I am happy to report that I am now beginning to enjoy life in Taiwan much more. Things are a lot less stressful, I have a lot more free time, and I have nothing holding me back from staying up till 3:30 am drinking and watching playoff hockey on a school night.

I also got paid last week, which meant that the $2300 in cash i received was not going to last very long hiding under my mattress. So I decided that i might as well go and blow half of it on a new camera so that i can be serious about taking up my new hobby of photography. And that I did.....

I have now realized that there is a lot more to photography than one might suspect, and I'm looking forward to the day when I can actually reach the full potential of my camera and take a decent photo. If you feel like checking out what i have experimented with so far, check out these two links:

Images of Taiwan - Random Photos
Images of Taiwan - People: Friends and Strangers

NHL Playoffs....Taiwan style

So when I came to Taiwan, I had pretty much writen off the idea of watching hockey. I've followed the Canucks' season by checking their website and watching highlights online, but the start of the playoffs made me realize that wasn't going to cut it. So, i managed to find a bar in Taichung that is actually playing hockey games!

One little catch though. The bar owner has to record the games on his moms computer in canada, and then send them over the internet to his computer here, where he plays them onto the big screen. This means that while the games start around 10am local time here, they don't show them in the bar until around 9:30 - about 14 hours after the games have begun back home.

So what does this mean? It means that every second day, Ryan lives in a bubble, cut off from the world of the internet. I can't check email out of fear that the yahoo home page will have a headline about hockey scores. I can't check msn out of fear that someone has changed their name to reflect a recent score. I can't check facebook in case someone has updated their status to say something about a game. And, I probably won't answer my phone in case some drunk friend from back home decides to phone me and be a spoiler.

Its pathetic, I know. but its comforting to know that two nights ago I was in a bar until 3:30 am with about 10 canucks fans from back home, recreating what honestly felt like watching a live canucks playoff game. Canucks fans in Taichung...they do exist and we are representin'!

Spring Scream 2007

Stick a fork in me. I'm done.

So i just got back from a 4 day music festival in southern Taiwan and I'm too exhausted, dehydrated, sleep deprived, and hung over to write about it. You can pretty much get the point from these photos that it was just a 4 day long gong show.

Spring Scream 2007 Photos

Money Vs. Happiness

Apparently money doesn't equal happiness, right?
But, without money, Ryan can't travel the world.
If Ryan can't travel the world, he is not happy.
So for Ryan to be happy, he needs money.

To get money, Ryan works as a kindergarten teacher in Taiwan.
Teaching kindergarten does not make Ryan very happy
If Ryan wants to be happy, he needs to stop teaching Kindergarten

If Ryan quits kindergarten, then he has no money
No money means Ryan cannot travel the world
Ryan must keep teaching kindergarten so that he has money to travel the world and be happy but Ryan wants to kill himself every day at kindergarten.

Thoughts of death: Not very happy.

Problem.


So my memory of deductive and inductive arguments from Philosophy 101 is a little sketchy, and I don't know if my justification is valid, but I quit my Kindergarten job yesterday. Saying goodbye to more than a third of my income is going to sting a little, but I couldn't put up with it anymore. The age old 'money vs happiness' debate has been running through my head for the last month, and has nearly driven me to the edge of insanity, so I did something about it.

I am not cut out to be a kindergarten teacher. I know this now. And, I am especially not meant to be an ESL kindergarten teacher in a horribly run school where chaos seems to be what they strive to achieve. No help from Chinese teachers, kids that don't understand a word I say, no communication or instruction from the boss, a curriculum that doesn't work, and an expectation that Ryan is supposed to hold the attention of, control and teach a class of 20 children of all different English abilities shit they don't want to learn all at the same time while breaking up fights, consoling sobbing children, singing songs, teaching phonics, getting sneezed on right in the face, and hearing TEACHER! TEACHER! TEACHER! TEACHER! being screamed by every single kid that wants my attention that i cannot give them because I'm too busy trying to stop one little hell child from running around the room destroying and making a mess of anything he can find.

This is how I start my days. Or rather, it was how i started my days.

I came to the conclusion that keeping that job just for the money so I could take off in June and travel the world just wasn't worth it. I'd rather coast by on my part time job that still gives me ample money to live comfortably, pay off student loans, and still save money. it wasn't worth my sanity to continue putting myself through 2 hours of stress every morning. I might regret it when come June I have $3000 less money in my bank account, but I'll deal with that then.

My Grade 4 teaching job gives me enough stress as it is, and i have chosen to focus on it instead. I'll have my mornings free to do whatever I like, and I've decided to take up photography. I'll have more time to figure out a way to get through to my grade 4 class, which I am attempting to repair the damage of two years worth of teachers who gave them no discipline, taught them nothing, and obviously let them do whatever the hell they wanted while showing no signs of respect whatsoever. They bitch about doing work, complain about everything, and think I'm a horrible person because i make them follow rules. Yesterday I made a little girl leave school sobbing into her fathers arms because I wouldn't let her get away with mischievously hide her spelling test score from her parents, and I got a death threat from my student has serious rage issues and who I am convinced is going to commit murder in his lifetime.

Student: "Teacher Ryan, I am going to kill you"
Me: "Johnson! I don't ever want to hear something like that joked about in this classroom ever again!"
Student: "I am not Joking"

Yeah, so I remember the repercussions I faced in Grade 6 when I called ms Fanzega a bum. I don't even want to think about what would have happened to me If i yelled death threats at a teacher.

Anyway, the bottom line is my most recent update to report to the masses is that i am now no longer a kindergarten teacher. Just a part time ESL teacher with a lot more time on his hands, a lot less stressed, with a little less cash to burn.

But I'm feeling pretty happy.

When I grow up....

What I now know I don't want to be when I grow up:

#1 - A teacher

King for a Day

Only in Taiwan.....

I won't write anything about this adventure. Instead, I'll just leave it up to your imaginations to guess what I got myself into this time.

Hint: It involved the Mayor of Taichung, the media, water balloons, a gladiator, a bunch of slaves, a whole lot of people, and me at the center of it all!

The Beauty of it All

Love it, hate it, take it, or leave it.... I live in Taiwan.

I've always felt that a title of a book, chapter, or blog post can say so much more than the body of text that proceeds it. In the case of today's post, I happen to feel that the title in which I've chosen does more than simply sum up my writing of the day. Instead, it captures something greater, something deep inside that toys with my emotions on an hourly basis and acts as a metaphor for the roller coaster ride of chaos that is life in Taiwan.

Ok, so i ripped the title off from somewhere else. It still counts. I can say this because I saw the quote in a magazine last week during my near mental breakdown, and I made me do a lot of thinking. It just seemed to be a fitting line to sum up the thoughts and emotions that occur within my own head. So I stole it. I stole it because it is the perfect quote to relay to you the view of Taiwan I see through my own eyes; How all the highs and lows seem to come together to form and odd sense of beauty... somewhere in amongst the chaos.

This so called beauty will present itself in the oddest of ways a the most unexpected times. And we're not really talking aesthetic beauty, because I gave up on finding that within my first few hours on this island. I'm talking about little things that make my laugh, that remind me why I'm here. The things that happen subtly during routine daily activities that simply would not happen back home, and add to the adventure of experiencing life in a foreign country.

This beauty can come in the form of personal satisfaction, like successfully ordering 20 dumplings to go after two months of confusion and hand signals in an almost daily adventure of chaos and miscommunication. While saying the number '20' may seem like a retardedly simple task, I obviously haven't come close to mastering the tones of the Chinese language. Maybe today was just lucky, and tomorrow I'll be back to blank stares and stupefied looks as i wave my hands around in the air to represent the tones I'm trying to express orally. Today however, I felt proud, so I'll savor that for a moment.

This beauty can also come in the form of humor, like when I'm trying to decide what to order from another roadside food stall when I'm sick of dumpling guy failing to understand me. As i stand there contemplating which mystery meat has the best odds of actually being chicken, a little old lady sanders up beside me and puts what is unmistakably 4 giant pieces of chicken in her basket to be deep fried. And how do I know hers was chicken? Because they were feet. I had a hankering for late night chicken nugget snack, she felt more like gnawing off the skin of some feet. I couldn't help but chuckle.

The humor isn't even really humor. Its just all the stupid things you see that make you think "nope, wouldn't see that at home," and have yourself a good laugh. Like the old man ripping through an intersection on what was obviously a homemade scooter, followed closely by a father doubling his 3 year old son on a bicycle. The child's bicycle! Images of clowns on miniature bikes at the circus come to mind really quick.

Then there are the heart touching moments like when one the out of control kindergarten students I teach will just stop randomly to say "I love you Teacher Ryan" and give me a big hug. Or when they draw me a picture of my family and somehow remember that my sister's name is Julie, even though they can't tell me one word that starts with the letter B. There are also the everyday people that, despite the language barrier, are able to communicate a feeling of generosity and friendliness through the simple act of a smile.

The list does go on. There's the fact that in a City of 3 million people, I randomly run into about 5 people a day i know, making me feel like the most popular kid in school. And what could make a person feel more proud than to hear the phrase "are you shotgunning a beer?" from a random dude on a motorcycle behind you as you prepare to down an 80 cent beer outside a 7-11? Or the fact that for $2 Canadian, you can have a dinner consisting of delicious dumplings, fried Squid (the mystery meat wasn't chicken after all) and a beer - all within a 30 second walk from your door. Or noodles, sushi, rice, pastries, soups, and anything else you happen to crave at 4am.

There's the bonus of having money, and living a lifestyle equivalent to upper middle class back home, all because you are white. Saving money should be pretty simple here, as long as I stay away from the booze. Which, despite what it may sound like from the previous paragraph, I have actually done a good job on. Amanda, on the other hand, may be developing a problem....

I felt that after my last post, I needed a fair and balanced view of Taiwan. So, after having a much better week and getting a bit more sleep, i have bounced back to a somewhat normal state of mind. I can say that for every shitty thing that frustrates and annoys the hell out of me, there always seems to be something that reminds me that coming here was a good choice to make.

I'm quite positive that Taiwan was designed to push a foreigner's patience and sanity to the limit. The traffic, the pollution, the language barrier, the racism, the lack of order, and the fact that you can touch all 4 walls of a bathroom at once while squatting over a toilet with your pants pulled up on one leg doing the chicken dance and dodging the urine. I think if you can deal with the negatives with an easy going attitude and not let anything get to you, than you can save your energy to fully appreciate the subtle beauty that Taiwan has to offer.

And that, is the beauty of it all.

Catching my Breath

wow, so where to begin.

Life in Taiwan has become a little more dramatic in the last few weeks. The 2 week buildup of stress, lack of sleep, 14 hour work days, self reflection, and a general frustration with this country's lack of common sense all came to a point yesterday. I'm now proud to say I've experienced my first "I hate Taiwan" moment, and narrowly avoided a complete mental breakdown. Barely.

So I left off back at the end of February, when I was enjoying a nice week off from anything during the Chinese new year. Then, the relaxation stopped and the circus began. My kindergarten stopped being fun playtime with my 8 students, and turned into a gong show with 20 kids and an expectation that I could get them all to settle down and concentrate on learning phonics when they cannot speak English and just want to run around and hit each other.

I began my main teaching gig: attempting to teach the grade 4 class from hell that has no concept of discipline, respect, or a desire to learn anything. Somehow, this country believes that a foreigner with no experience can just walk into a classroom and know everything about how the school works, what to teach, and how to plan his syllabus for the entire 4 month semester. Teaching them anything has taken a back seat to just simply restoring order to a classroom that the previous teacher gave up on and quit.

so, for the past 2 weeks, i have basically got up bright and early every day, gone to my mentally exhausting kindergarten job, then hopped on my scooter and gone straight to my other job early to try and figure out what the hell I'm doing. I've been in a constant struggle trying to get ahead in my lesson planning, only to fall back behind again and end up staying up till the late evening hours to have something for the next day. Yesterday, it all just kinda hit me. I was burnt out.

I tried to tell my boss i didn't want to work at the kindergarten anymore, but she gave me a vote of confidence and told me i was doing fine and not to worry so much. We'll see how it goes. I'm banking on the fact that this is all apparently normal everyone's first time here teaching, and it will get easier.

Had a good night of drinking last night, which was a good release. On my way to go out for a good old fashion hamburger. I'm realizing that this post sucks, as i have written it quickly and I'm not in a writing or proofreading mood, but figured i should at least write something now that i have a few days off to catch my breath before i get right back at 'er tomorrow trying to plan my weeks lessons.

sorry it sucks, that's all i got for today.

The Great Urinology Experiment

Warning: The following post may disgust some readers. It is not for the close-minded, and I am fully aware of the mockery I will most likely receive from my little experiment. I do not care.

I awoke the other morning from a nice long sleep, cherishing the opportunity Chinese New year has given me this week to sleep in rather than wake up early to teach kindergarten. I crawled out from under my mosquito net, rose from my bed, put on my slippers, and sauntered into the bathroom. Today was the day.

As I stood there, hovering high above the toilet bowl, I began psyching myself up for what was about to take place. This was going to be gross. I began to feel the flow of urine, as the stream made its journey from my bladder to the toiled bowl, where it was about to be intercepted by my my hands.

But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't bring myself to pee all over my hands, no matter how much I prepared myself for it. The stream slowed down to a trickle, before drying up completely. I had missed my chance, and I would have to try again tomorrow morning.

Those of you who know me well know that I suffer from severe eczema on my hands when the temperature and/or humidity get high. My entire hands break out in a rash of tiny bubbles and open soars, that make it excruciatingly painful to to anything. They hurt, they itch, they sweat, and they just continue to get worse until the temperature begins to drop. Being in Taiwan for a month, it has already begun and I'm not looking forward to the summer here.

So when Amanda's friend happened to share a little secret only a crazy German was insane enough to try, I was all ears. Apparently, there is an ancient Indian belief that Urine is the body's own natural remedy to almost any ailment. You can even go so far as to drink your own pee every morning. Baby steps....Ryan's going to take baby steps.

Which brings me to peeing on my hands. I have suffered with this eczema my whole life, and have always said I would do anything to get rid of it. Anything. So, this is my chance. After researching into it on the Internet, pretty much everything the German said checks out. Just rub your early morning midstream pee over the affected areas, and allow it to dry. Within a few weeks, the Eczema should be gone and never return.

So what do I really have to loose, Aside from some pee pee hands? According to the Internet web sites I looked at, your pee isn't even dirty or bad for you. Its just a sterile mixture of water, nutrients, and minerals that your body already had enough of. so there is really nothing gross about it once you get over the initial phobia of doing something we've been taught is disgusting. You can even go so far as to look into the conspiracy theories that the drug companies are trying to keep this hush hush because there is no money to be made from it. Just some sticky hands.

I am proud to say that yesterday morning I awoke and peed on my hands. I'm remaining optimistic that this is going to work, and really, it wasn't even that bad. It dries up pretty quick, and leaves your hands feeling quite nice. Amanda is curious as to whether or not it works, cause if it does, she'll have no reason to continue suffering from her eczema either. She will just have to psych herself up a bit more than me, as she massages her pee behind her ears and into her scalp.

Did I hear someone say Golden Shower?

Setting an example

One of my kindergarten students learned the hard way what happens when you cross a line...

Today began like any other day. After the usual greetings and hugs, I spent about ten minutes trying to calm my students down from the mass hysteria that my arrival always seems to bring about. Finally getting them to sit down for story time, I breathed a sigh of relief and proceeded to hold their attention singing songs, reading books, and reciting the alphabet.

One child in particular, Ben, was all hopped up on something today. I don't know what it was, but I could tell he going to be a handful. I gave him some leeway, turning a blind eye to the majority of his misbehavings, for I did not feel like wasting energy in a constant battle with him all day.

And then he spit....
at me.....
in the face.....
for no reason.

Up until now I've been a pretty lenient teacher. I wouldn't say I've let the children walk all over me, but I haven't really done a whole lot of disciplining either. I've been pretty lax. They make paper airplanes, I take them away. They make another airplane, I take it away too. They hit someone, I give everyone candy except the child who did the hitting. They hit someone again, I give the crying kid they hit lots of candy. I feel bad that these kids are supposed to be doing so much work at such a young age, so I've tried to make things as fun as possible with as little negative punishment as possible. I figure they will eventually catch on that good behavior means more candy and toys.

This kid flicked a switch in me. I didn't even contemplate for a second what I should do. My impulse was just to pick the kid up, and carry him out of the room. Kicking, screaming, and crying, he put up a good fight, but he eventually landed himself out in the hall. I decided this is where he was going to sit, but he seemed to disagree. He continued flail his arms and legs, struggling as hard as he could to break free. He escaped my grasp once and made a b-line for the classroom, only to be scooped up and thrown right back out again.

At this point, all the Chinese teachers have come out of their classrooms to see what all the commotion is about. I explain to one of them what he did, and she was like, "so what you want do?". I told her i wanted him to sit in the office and think about what he did, and she relayed this to him in Chinese. I don't think he even knew what was going on, his vision clouded by the lakes in his eyes and his hearing drowned out by the deafening roar that his little mouth was emitting.

I walked back into the classroom to find my usually hyper A.D.D. kids just sitting....staring in awe. Their little jaws just hanging there, stunned by the sudden chaos that had just erupted. I went back to flashcards I was showing them, and there was an unusual calmness in the room.

About ten minutes later, i decided to go check on the kid in the office. I've never seen a kid so traumatized. His face was just soaked in tears, his shirt drenched by the falling streams and sweat he worked up trying to escape my grasp. Even his hair was soaked. I tried talking to him, but he was just sobbing, and coughing harder than I've ever heard a kid cough. He couldn't even stop coughing for a second to catch his breath. He just kept going. I don't think he was mad at me, just shocked and confused. He just sat there on the floor, looking at me like he didn't know what the fuck to think or do. This kid was messed up. He wanted his mom.

I didn't know how to feel. He needed punishment, but all i wanted to do was make him sit in the hall. I didn't want to traumatize the kid for life. I felt horrible about what had transpired, and decided he could come with me back to the classroom. i picked him up and he just kind of went with it. When we got to the door, the very one he fought so hard to run through only moments ago, he began to scream again. You'd think it was the gate to hell or something.

So then the Chinese teachers come out again, and this time it looks like I'm trying to force the kid INTO the classroom! I put him down and one of them gives him a talking to in Chinese again, and i try to explain that it is ok, he can come in if he wants. He slowly enters the room and just stands by the door, watching the other kids do their activities. I scared the shit out of that kid.

He eventually gets back to his normal self, wandering back up to the table where other kids are coloring. He seems to be back to normal for a few minutes when one of the Chinese teachers comes in and asks to take him. The principle, who was out before, has come back and got word of what he did. She wants to see him, so he sort of sanders out of the room without a fuss.

I didn't see poor Ben until i was about to leave, when the kids were beginning to eat their lunch. The principle comes in with him and tells me his mom is sorry, and he apologizes to me again as well. He goes and joins the others at lunch, and the principle shows me a little cup about half full with what looked like soapy water. It wasn't...it was his spit.

I just wanted him to wait in the hall.....

Taipei Through Ryan's Lens

Silhouette of a Dragon statue in the dark Taipei night

Wishes of good luck and fortune for the upcoming new year.

Candles lit for prayer at a Buddhist temple

A few people gather at the New Years Market

Serenity within the walls of a Buddhist sanctuary

Road Trip!

So as you can tell from the above photos, I took a little road trip to Taipei this last weekend. Amanda and I decided that we should visit and thank her friend Han, who got us our apartment here in Taichung. We did a few touristy things, visiting parks and temples and markets, and such... but I tried to post some photos that weren't of the typical tourist variety.

After getting the idea of the dragon silhouette from a man in a photography class, I decided that I Need (not want...but NEED) a professional SLR camera instead of my piece of shit point and shoot. Think of the photos my talented geniusness could take if I had a good camera! His photos kicked my ass and we were taking the same damn pictures! I just didn't have the quality of lens or ability to adjust seetings like he did, and I am never going to reach my full artistic potential and capture the images as I see them unless I have the proper equipment to work with. I also decided that i want to be a photographer, a journalist, or a documentary film maker. Maybe I'll just be all three. One day...one day.

Take a trip with me, squeezing through the crowd at a snails pace, as I explore a tiny part of Taipei's Crazy Chinese New Year Market.

Learning how to un-learn

In order to be safe, i need to be reckless.

This is what I have learned in my first week with a scooter in Taichung. pretty much everything I have been taught to do on the roads in Canada does not apply here. I am now beginning to learn how to drive like an Asian, and forget how to drive, as Ming put it, "like a Canadian".

First of all, that shoulder check they force us to do in Canada before changing lanes: forget about it. Those ten nanoseconds you spend glancing over your left shoulder are ten nanoseconds you are not watching the road in front of you. This is when you will either run over a j-walker, t-bone a car running a red light, rear end the scooter stopping for no reason in front of you, or get smoked by a parked car opening their door. So which seems like a better idea? Doing a shoulder check, or the latter options? I think I'll forget how to shoulder check.

Secondly, those little pieces of glass that reflect light and images that are attached to the handlebars? forget them too. As outlined above, the split second that you spend glancing in your mirrors means you are not aware of the aforementioned dangers that lurk ahead.

The point? Don't give a flying fuck about what is going on behind you. If you need to swerve out of the way of an oncoming obstacle, then do so and let the person behind you worry about avoiding you. Everyone learns to read the flow of traffic ahead and anticipate what will happen next. Everything is about what is in front. this is a hard concept for a Canadian to understand, but it seems to work. my initial fear is to be concerned with not cutting someone off behind be, but i am starting to realize that more harm will come to me from being courteous than from being selfish. If everyone else on the road only watches in front of them and is aware of what the people ahead are doing, then there is no need for anyone to look back.

The best strategy for making left turns at intersections is to gun it as the light turns green, before the oncoming traffic begins to go. This seems to work quite well, as you get to go without waiting very long. if you don't go right away, then you put yourself at risk waiting in danger in the middle of an intersection where people get angry if you are in their way.

Turn signals. They are useless. Nobody pays attention to them. You don't need them. Chances are, putting your right turn signal on will give you a false sense of hope that nobody will pass you on your right hand side as you make your right hand turn. Plus, thats time you need to spend concentrating on flicking a little switch on and off, and thus you are distracted from watching the road.

And finally: Go as fast as you can! The slower you go, the more scooters will overtake you and cut you off. The slower you go, the more cars will pull out of intersections and parking stalls in front of you. The slower you go, the more you will get honked at and bullied around on the road. Going fast solves all these problems. you separate yourself from the pack of scooters and you don't give other cars the chance to cut in front of you. Of course, higher speeds do add a certain element of danger to the equation, but the reoccurring theme here is to make the best choice between the lesser of many evils.

Mirrors. Shoulder checks. Courtesy for those behind you, Safe speeds. Turn signals. Waiting for oncoming traffic to make left turns. That's really all you need to Un-learn to give yourself a flying chance at surviving on the roads of Taiwan.

Now you know why 'stereotypically' we think Asian drivers are bad. they are not, they just like to play with a 'you snooze, you loose mentality'.

Lets talk about life...

Its time to get deep. This could be a long one...

I realized something the other day. I like to write. Many of you may have noticed this lately, if you haven't just passed off the number of recent blog posts as my other favorite pastime of talking about myself whenever possible.

The thing is, i have this desire in me to write, I just don't really know what to write about. Coming to Taiwan has given me a bit of new material to work with, but I'm not sure how much longer i can continue make scooter rides and teaching stories entertaining. Most of the time here, the thoughts that come to me have passed by the time i get a chance to write them down. Once this moment has left me, i find it difficult to motivate myself to think back and recall what it was that was previously on my mind. Often, my thoughts get lost and forgotten in the never ending circus music soundtrack that is my mind. Today however, I'm in a writing mood, so here we go...

Last night I did a lot of thinking and reflecting on life, all of which begun after listening to a point that Amanda's cousin made over Dinner. Mark, who is about to leave Taiwan to go build a house in India, was expressing his feelings of anxiety over his upcoming adventure. Dealing with conflicting inner feelings of excitement and apprehension, he is not sure what he really wants to do. He enjoys the comfort and security of his life here, yet he is bored and restless and needs change. A part of him doesn't even really want to go to India, and part of him is kicking himself out of Taiwan. So what does he do?

I think that this is the inner conflict that is inside all of us. We crave adventure and get bored easily, yet we are afraid of the unknown. I understand exactly what Mark is going through, as it is exactly what i went through before coming to Taiwan.

I didn't really express this to anybody before I came to Taiwan, but i wasn't even sure if I wanted to come here. I talked about it for so long - hopping on a plane after graduation and teaching English - that I didn't even really sit back and think if it was really what i wanted to do. When it came time to actually make it reality, i just kind of followed the momentum I had created for myself by talking about it so much, that i really didn't even give myself a say in the matter.

Leaving Canada this time was difficult. It was different from my previous trips in that there was an air of uncertainty about it. I don't know when I'm coming home, where I'll end up, or when I'll see many of my friends again. I know there is more too it than that deep inside, but i can't really explain it. It just felt weird. Part of my craves this new adventure, and part of me is tired of leaving important friends and family behind wherever I go.

Which brings me back to my conversation with mark that set me off on this wave of thought. what the hell are we supposed to do? I hear many of you tell me that you enjoy reading my stories, and are living your lives vicariously through me. But my life is not that great, just different from the 'normal'. I gave up a lot of things to come here. I think what separates the Mark's, and Amanda's, and me from the vast majority is that we take that plunge into the unknown, scared or not, and figure out the details as they present themselves. We are motivated by the mundane... we need to escape it. Every obstacle we face doing so is just another adventure and has its own rewards at the end of the day.

I think the point I'm trying to get out of my head is that life is too short to spend in a comfort zone, afraid of forcing yourself to take that leap into the unknown. This world is huge, and there is too much to see before we die. Taiwan is no paradise, but every morning I wake up and spend the day experiencing something new. I'm never bored. If i had listened to that part of me that was afraid of coming here, I'd still be washing dishes at the UVic cafeteria. Nice and comfortable in Canada, but bored and generally unsatisfied with my life.

But now I am here, experiencing something different, and this is just another case to refer to the next time i need a push into another unknown. I am thankful everyday for the opportunities i have been given in life, and never take them for granted. I don't know how I went from a teenager motivated by greed and the desire to become a rich engineer with a corvette and a penthouse apartment, to a useless bum who has no clue what an RRSP or any of those 'responsible' life plans are. Regardless of how i got here, I wouldn't trade my current situation for any of those desired material possessions or stereotypes of what a 'normal' path through life should consist of. That option will always be there in the future, but I won't be able live my younger years of freedom and adventure forever.

What the hell am I trying to say? Maybe I'm not that great of writer, since i can't even figure out my own thesis statement. I think the gist of it is that this world is an amazing place, and we in the West are too fortunate to not take advantage of the opportunities we have to experience the diversity it has to offer us. You don't realize what you are missing if you don't take that leap. Quit your jobs back home and come live in Taiwan... That's my point!

You teach, you save money, you travel the world, and then you can go home and work your 9-5 if that's what you still want to do. Or, you might just realize there is a whole other 'world' out there that you can't believe you almost missed out on. Its just that simple...so why not give it a shot? I am very grateful to have Amanda come here at the same time and show me the ropes and introduce me to Taiwanese friends who are always there to help me out of a jam. Without all them, this would have been a pretty tough experience, and for that reason, I am indebted to them for everything they have done and will continue to do for me. So now, I feel it is my duty to pass it on, or 'pay it forward' if you will. Come to Taiwan, Lin Shao Wang will take you under his wing!

Back full circle to my desire to write....

What can I do? could I write articles for newspaper travel sections? Should I write a book, and if so, what the hell would it be about? Do I just continue to write blog postings and updates on my bowel movements? I don't know, but i need a focus. I still want to be famous, and I want to make films too. you think anyone outside my blog audience would listen to my rants about shitty bus rides and pessimistic view about how unfair the world is?

oh yeah, that brings me to a tangent/rant.

You know all that stuff you buy back home that is made in Taiwan? Well, every time you buy something that is made here, know that a part of it is going into my lungs. Moving to Taiwan has taught me a thing or two about the consequences of globalization and our affluence in the west. You see, in Taiwan, there aren't really any pollution standards. So the whole island is essentially one giant factory producing cheap shit for North Americans to play with, while the Taiwanese get to enjoy it in a different way.... they eat it! I can feel it in my throat, that scratchy, flemmy, make-you-wanna-cough-but-can't sensation that is a direct result of the insane amount of pollution that is pumped into the air here. And all those batteries you throw away....well, Canada is to pristine to pollute their environment, so what do they do? They ship them to Taiwan! out of sight, out of mind. For Canadians anyway...

OK, so i had to throw at least one bitch-session rant in here. I'll stop now.

Come on, take a ride with me

ok, so this is my fist attempt at seeing if I could actually upload video via Youtube to by blog. Now that I know it works, I will put more effort into actually recording decent quality video. This is the first couple minutes of my ride to work in the morning. its pretty early and I took the back roads, so there isn't much traffic. You get too see the front door of my appartment building, and the lovely little courtyard where everyone parks their scooters.

Sorry for the crappy quality video. Its just taken on my digital photo camera, and it can't seem to adjust the contrast through the wires of my basket on the front of the scooter. i'm sure i'll perfect the art soon.

My new lady friend

I have a new friend. I don't know her name, she's kinda ugly, pretty old, and she weighs a few hundred pounds. I love her though... and like to ride her all night long!

I am talking about my scooter of course. And she needs a name. I don't remember how Betsy the rustang got her name, I think it just came to me. My scooter however, is not doing the same. So, what should it be?

Thelma?
Helga?
Suzy?
Louise?
Sally?
Betty?
Roxanne?

So I'm asking you all to let me know if you think any of these are good. Or, of course, any original suggestions will be considered. Wouldn't you like the honor of naming the beast I will straddle every day and night?

Meet Lin Shao Wáng:

So, I have finally decided on my Chinese name, and will probably get laughed at by almost everybody I introduce myself to from now on. Instead of just picking a name that would be 'normal', I decided to have a little fun and encourage people to mock and make fun of me. Why not, It is all in good fun....I hope.

So, my quest began with a few brainstorming ideas. Trying to come up with adjectives to describe yourself is a little bit hard to do, so I threw the suggestion out to you, my loyal readers. Thanks to those who sent suggestions, although in reality none of them turned out to be usable. You tried.

One thing I knew for sure after meeting Mika's (also known as Fez, My foreign friend, who is now no longer 'foreign', as it is I who is the foreigner....) Mom, who has become my adopted mother here in Taiwan. So, seeing how I have a second mother here in Taiwan, and Mika is my only Taiwanese friend, I thought it would be suiting to adopt their last name, Lin.

With that figured out, i had to decide on my first name quickly so I could apply for my working visa. Now, I had this bright idea to take the Gaelic meaning of Ryan (Little King) and simply translate it into Chinese. Done and simple? Well, not really. But who cares, I'll pick it anyway

You see, the words little and King together form something in Chinese that is not just so normal. It seems that Shao Wáng stands for a bunch of things, of which i am only starting to understand. Here's what I figure:

First of all, if you were to tell a child a nursery rhyme or story, that's the generic name you would use. Little prince Shao Wang....

Second, The last name Wang, is probably the most common last name in Chinese, probably equivalent to Smith. Its my first name.

Thirdly, the name Shao Wang is so well known and used as a generic name, that no parent in their right mind would ever use it to name their child. Basically, you'd set them up for a life of ridicule. meh, what the hell...

So, see what I'm saying. The name is insanely popular without anybody ever having it. So I'm probably the only person in China that is actually dumb enough to use it. I'm basically your average John Doe.

Then again, I kinda like it for that reason. Everyone smiles and laughs with me (well, at me...) when i introduce myself, and nobody will ever forget it. And since it has meaning with my Gaelic Irish ancestry, it somewhat fits. We all know how much I like people to talk about me, and now the Chinese have a reason to mock me, just like all my other friends!

Plus, Its probably the simplest name to write! Now we need to name my scooter...

A Special Guest Post

Note: Amanda made me remove the old photo of her that was here because she "didn't like how she looked". You can enjoy this one until she bitches at me to take it off too.

By Amanda Broad

I hope you all have been checking out Ryan's web page for daily updates on the life of a newbie in the Republic of China. I have to say I'm patting myself on the back for sorting him out with jobs and I'm thrilled that everyone here loves him. I've been trying to save up stories to write about, and here are a couple.

Story 1: Health Check

So by direction of the government of Taiwan we were forced to undergo a health check. Roughly the scenario is a 30 min cab ride and directions to the hospital food court for the health check which then lead us to a door. Upon opening the door Ryan discovered a parking garage where a whole whack load of foreigners (mostly Indonesians, Malays, and phillipinos) were lined up, to simplify things lets say about 500. A bunch of money is taken from us and we are moved from here to there, appearing to skip the registration and X-ray line up as we are ushered to the front of the line while everyone else has been waiting. We are then given our own little change room while the asians changed in the hall.... did I mention that we were the only North Americans aka whites? All of this made us feel fairly uneasy.. Ryan envisioned being stabbed outside at one point. Finally we get to line up like the rest. A vision test which was a joke, my height was measured to only about half way up my head, we skipped the stool test but I saw one guy with a couple samples passing them to his buddies. As for the blood test, I'd prefer not to imagine it again. Today we received the results.... it seems Ryan and I are 26 years old? I don't have asthma? and my blood pressure number has suddenly changed? well at least it says we don't have any health problems and HIV free... if you trust that they didn't just dump the samples right after.

Story 2: Hot Water

I'm in an abusive relationship here in Taiwan. Every morning a barge of swear words come flying out of my mouth as I whack this little machine attached to my shower. This machine has a little red light that toys with my emotions. When it is lit, I am immersed in wondrously hot water but then it becomes fickle and suddenly the light goes out and the temperature plummets causing icicles to form. When will the light turn back on? Know one knows...we have had it fixed, we have tried many different theories, superstitions, chants, sacrifices but finally I have decided that though I am not normally a violent person.. this stupid water heater requires many good whacks.

I'd prefer to also forget about all that electricity running next to the water....

Love and light.... plus a hug or two... Teacher Amanda

Scurvy's sweet new ride!

Cost of purchasing your very own scooter in Taiwan:
$321

New front and rear tires because the old ones were completely bald:
$50

New side-view mirrors to replace the current, non-existing ones:
$10

New motorcycle helmet because you don't trust the plastic skateboard helmet that came free with the bike to protect your skull in the event of a crash:
$25

Cost of filling up your tank with gas:
$2.50

Experiencing the thrill of putting your life at risk day-in day-out on the streets of Taichung:
Priceless!


So yeah, this is my sweet new ride. Isn't she beautiful? A whole whopping 49ccs of rip roarin' action packed adventure fun balanced on two bald rubber tires! She's a little bunged up, even after I took her in for some minor repairs. I figured some treaded tires would be worth the $50 investment when the rains come. And, peripheral vision via a couple new side mirrors couldn't hurt since they may just save my life, so I figured they too were worth an extra $10. Shes got a lot of war wounds on her body, most likely the result of a few little trips down to the pavement, but i think it adds character and lets just hope she's got all that out of her system for her new owner.

Amanda has my parents phone number in her cell phone, so mom, If I should happen to not come home one night, you can rest assured that at least Amanda will come looking for me and give you a heads up :)

Ryan's got a new set of wheels. My first since good 'ol Betsy the Rustang. Yeehaw!

How to Learn to Drive a Scooter in Taiwan

Step one:
Face your psychological fears and issues with a former motor vehicle accident in Asia and tell yourself you can do it.

Step two:
Have your Taiwanese Friend Wayway agree to trust you with her bike and take you to an empty parking lot.

Step three:
Rip around that parking lot like there is no tomorrow. Look like a retard doing so. Feel the power that a whopping 125cc's have to offer.

Step four:
Contemplate how well that $6 helmet with a loose chin strap would really protect your skull in an accident. Just decide you are not going to try and find out.

Step five:
Decide you are ready to venture out onto the road. Go for a rip around the block by yourself, remembering not to turn right on a red light. That is illegal in Taiwan and would probably result in Wayway's bike being impounded because a dumb foreigner with no license is driving it.

Step six:
Experience the feeling of taking a cute Taiwanese girl for a rip on the back of your scooter (well technically it is her scooter, but you pretend). Turn left out of the parking lot and almost get smoked by a speeding truck. Play it cool like you meant to do that for her sake, but really you need to change your pants.

Step seven:
Practice weaving in and out of traffic and budging your way to the front of the line at red lights. scare the shit out of your friend because she underestimates your ability to squeeze through the tightest gaps in between cars. Feel your confidence building.

Step eight:
Feel the road, the wind in your hair, and think about how bad you want to grow another mullet.

Step nine:
Crawl through the 5-way intersection where you saw two scooters t-bone each other one week ago. almost cause an accident cause you are going too slow.

Step ten:
Drop off your scooter and Taiwanese friend at her house, and walk home. Realize that you are tired of walking and must get your own scooter ASAP.

Entertaining the masses

It has come to my attention after talking to may of my faithful followers, that my blog is actually being read by more people than I thought. It seems that my address has been forwarded on to many people who somewhat know me and for some odd reason, appear to be interested in what I have to say. Why random people would have an interest in my bowel movements and adventure finding a job in Taiwan, I don't quite understand. Nevertheless, I now feel it is my duty to make my stories as enjoyable and interesting as possible for the average reader, as I do my best to entertain the masses.

So lets begin, shall we, with Ryan's first two days as a kindergarten teacher in Taiwan.

"Oh my god, what the hell am I doing here" was my general feeling after about five minutes of Day number one.

That feeling was then quickly followed by thoughts of "Screw this, I'm walking out right now" by minute ten and "I'm going to kill these children" by about the half hour mark.

Ok, no, so I don't really want to kill them, they are actually sweet little children and they really make me laugh. Its just going to take some getting used to teaching them, since they don't really understand what i say and they have the attention span of a fish. I don't blame them though. They are 4 years old and being expected to learn phonics and read and write. Kids back home at my moms daycare just get to play all day, and these children already have to deal with homework and grades. So, I am going to try and make English fun for them. Don't have a freeking (expletive edited just for you Grandpa!) clue how yet, but I'm going to try. Today I almost got them to understand the concept of Duck Duck Goose, except half the time the kid that got picked as the goose was too busy enjoying picking his nose to bother getting up and running around. We'll try that again on Monday.

I'm actually surprised how smart these little kids are. they catch me off guard sometimes with their English vocabulary, and some of them even figured out that if they never get up off their chair in musical chairs, they can't lose!

So, while it does feel kinda cool to be adored by ten little children (that's all I really want in life is to get attention and be admired, and it still counts even if it is from 4 year old children), I am going to enjoy my weekend while I regroup and try and figure out how to hold their attention next week while teaching them at the same time.

Tune in Next time for more adventures of my own version of Kindergarten cop.

Hard to believe I am actually responsible for educating these little tykes!

Meet Teacher Ryan...

Hi, my name is Ryan, and I am now officially a Kindergarten and Grade 4 teacher. I'm not really qualified, I just got hired because I showed up in Taiwan and my skin color is white. It will no doubt be a learning process for me, especially considering I have to figure out how to entertain and teach kids all day by myself. For the equivilent of a $70,000 a year salary back in Canada, however, I think I am up for the challenge.

So, as I struggle with the ethical issues of spreading western culture to little taiwnese kids via the english language, I will begin fine-tuning my singing voice and refreshing my memory with the words of 'itsy bitsy spider'.

While my grade 4 teaching gig doesn't start for another month, I begin teaching my kindergarten class tomorrow morning. In case anyone happens to have any awesome activities and games to play with kindergarten children that don't really speak much english, fire em at me. I need all the help i can get!

Pulling the Plug

So, just how do you go about solving a week's worth of constipation in a foreign country?

Just go to MacDonald's... Works every time!

On the 8th Day...

Thanks to those of you who sent me suggestions as to what my chinese name should be. As funny as some of them would be, I have kinda come to realize that i should probably take it a bit more serious than I originally thought. While 'Chief Moose Hairy third nipple the 4th' would be funny for a week or so, it would not exactly present a respectable image to the parents of the children I will be responsible for educating.

So, with that in mind, I think I will leave it up to my chinese friends who know me best and also know the significance of the mandarin names they would choose. That, or i may translate the Gaelic meaning of Ryan, which happens to be 'little king'. Sometimes, I do feel as though I am royalty...

As for life in Taichung after one week, I'm managing to settle in quite nicely. I took the job that was offered to me at amanda's school, working 4 hours a day in the afternoons. I am going to try and find a morning gig, which will mean i should be raking in the dough. My job does not start until the end of February, however, which leaves me with some time to kill in the meantime. I am substitute teaching for a kindergarden class during the week of feb 12-16, which should give me a little extra cash to blow during the next week off for chinese new year.

the search for a scooter is still ongoing, as I have decided to suck it up and face my fear of death and try to find one. I'm tired of walking 10 kms a day. I need wheels.

last night while studying some chinese, i felt like a beer. So, I walked to the corner and bought one for 80 cents from the 7-11.

Scooters get set to take off down Xiengshang Rd near my house

My new Crib, starting to feel a bit more like home