Irony

Well, where to start

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for the flood of emails i've gotten from everyone wanting to make sure i'm ok. I appreciate the concern and I appologize for my slow dely in responding and assuring you all of my well being. The Irony of the situation is that all of you are worried about me and the events you see on the news. The truth is that while i am on the eastern coast of thailand, safe from the tsunami, I was not quite so lucky to avoid being run over by a truck.

I've been in the hospital a couple days and my situation is so messed up right now i can't even begin to explain it. I have about 5 minutes left and i gotta go back to the hospital where i have no way of contacting anyone through phone or email. I'm sorry for the lack of info and i'll write a long email explaining what happened in detail when i get a chance. Please, don't worry about me, i'll live. It has really put a damper on my trip but i keep looking at the positives and the fact that i am incredibly lucky to survive being run over by a truck with only a dislocated left knee, twisted left ankle, sprained right ankle, 9 stitches, and some road rash. Like I said, i'm sorry to leave you all hanging with so little info, but i am ok, and when i get all my shit sorted out i'll go into further detail.

Chillin' in the thong sala hospital,

Ryan

Christmas greetings from paradise

Hey kids

Just wanted to wish everyone a merry christmas. While I had no christmas trees or snow this year, i had to settle for Palm trees, white sand, and an all night brew ha ha on hat rin beach in Ko phen ngan, Thailand. I watched the sun come up on christmas morning (I was still up drinking) and ended up spending the majority of christmas day sleeping to make up for christmas eve's festivities. Tonight is the full moon party, and its gonna be even crazier! 15 000 - 20 000 people on a beach drinking till the next morning. Its hard to imagin a more alcholol induced festive season. I love it.

So yeah, merry christmas from paradise

Ryan

What I've learned in Indonesia

Greetings Winter Sufferers

So with my time in indonesia rapidly comming to an end, I thought it would be fitting to look back and reflect upon what I have learned in the past two months. I was originally going to make a top ten list, but I've learned so much that i couldn't decide on the best 10, so here now are the Top 17 things i've learned:

17. Leg hair makes a great napkin

16. Despite what cartoons and movies will lead you to believe, roosters do not go cock-a-doodle-doo on the roof of a barn at sunrise. They go Cock-a-doodle-doo all freeking night long!

15. If it is sold in Canada, you can buy a cheap, rip off version for 1/10 the price in indonesia.

14. Try to avoid sneezeing while peeing.

13. Wiping your ass with your hand is not all that bad after all, barring the abscence of any "cling ons"

12. Muslim culture is deadly strict about fasting regulations, praying, no alchohol, and no pre marital sex, yet it says fuck all about lying through their teeth!

11. A family of five can fit comfortably on a Moped.

10. Trivia: What smells like 2 week old garbage, and tastes like sour milk and rotten onions? Durian, thats what! It's this fruit that the locals go hog wild over and makes me gag at the slightest scent of it.

9. Monkeys, no matter how cute they may look, are mischievious, canaiving, bastards.

8. Hello mister is quite possible the most commonly known prase that all indonesians know how to say in english. You can expect to hear this about 400 times a day.

7. The roof is often the most comfortable seat on a bus.

6. It is possible for your piss to change color from orange to clear in one single stream

5. Stepping inside a vehicle in indonesia is like playing russian roulette.

4. Never trust an indonesian firework.

3. With a little bit of rope and some good balance, you can carry more cargo on a motorbike than you can in a Dodge Caravan

2. Turning your boxers inside out is about 75% as effective as putting on a new pair.

1. All it takes to marry an indonesian girl is 8 water buffalo. With a little bargaining, you could probably get 'em down to 7 buffalo and a couple of pigs.

And now, an exerpt from my journal, November 24th, 2004

Driving in indonesia.

While it is simply impossible to describe the experience of driving in indonesia onto paper using only words, I shall do my best to create a picture of the insanity. From what I have experienced, these are the rules of the road in this country beautiful scenery, friendly people, and maniac drivers.

Like in britain, Indonesians drive on the left side of the road. Of course, this is only in theory. In reality, they drive on whatever side of the road they feel like. A two lane road (one each way) is in fact a two lane highway in both directions. When faced with the constant dilemma of a head on collision, drivers may choose to resort to their default left lane, or play chicken with the oncomming car untill one ends up riding on their shoulder. I think indonesians invented the game of "Chicken"

When present, the center line is merely an arbitrary line of reference. Its purpose is to....oh, who am i kidding, it has no purpose. Half the time it has more curves than the road itself.

If there is only a motorcycle comming the other way, it is ok to pass the vehicle in front of you, provided you leave enough room on the opposite shoulder (or dirt or ditch or whatever is there) for the motorcycle to drive on.

The newly implemented seatbelt law seems a little ironic when you see 15 indonesians riding on the roof of a bus.

There are no speed limits. you drive as fast as your rusted out, falling apart, run to the ground 20 years ago, beat up, piece of shit car that would be condemmed in canada will take you. Indonesians drive with the RPM in the red, and every car ride is a race with the cars in front of you. There is no concept of road rage because everyone has it. If you are not passing every car you see, you are crazy and should get off the road before you hurt someone.

The horn is kinda like a warning signal. you lay on the horn to let the semi rig in front of you know you are there when it is pitch black and you are passing it on the shoulder. this way, it knows not to move over an inch and force you off the cliff. the horn can also be used to say hi, express frustration, warn butterflys and broken glass on the road that you are comming, or simply as a musical instrument if you are bored. somehow, indonesians can descipher between them all.

Canada's "2 second" rule for keeping distance from the car in front of you is replaced with indonesia's "2 inches" rule. And no, I am not exaggerating. When travelling at 160 km/h, this equates to about .000134 seconds. I don't know how i'm still alive to write this.

Stepping inside a vehicle here in indonnesia is pretty much the same as playing a game of russian roulette. you have about a 1 in 6 chance of surviving.

In Jakarta, a "5 lane" road becomes 10 lanes of traffic in rush hour, with motorcycles and rickshaws filling every last inch between the cars. You can expect to move about 4 feet/hour. A baby crawling on the street passed me once.

The gravel, pothole filled shoulder is a perfectly acceptable passing lane while doing 100+ km/h. Of course this is only to be used when the car comming in the other lane is bigger than you. If it is smaller, proceed by passing in the oncomming lane, and drive the little bastard into THEIR gravel, pothole filled shoulder.

"ordered chaos" is what i like to call it. Pedestrians get out of the way of bicycles, bicycles out of the way of motorbikes, motorbikes avoid the cars, cars give way to busses, and everything gets the hell out of the way of big trucks. Somehow, rickshaws fit into the mix and goats, chickens, cows and water buffalo have the right of way and superscede all rules of the ordered chaos system. To sum it up, the biggest vehicle wins by default, but farm animals rule the road.

A ride in a rickshaw is like a carnival ride. I just imagine i'm not paying for transportation, but for the thrill of having the bejesus scared out of me as we navigate through rush hour traffic on a rickety old tricycle with a cracked out carney at the helm.

There is no such thing as selling out a bus. Just keep packing 'em in until you cannot feel your legs.

If it is possible in theory, it is done on an indonesian road. this includes families of five on motorbikes, goats riding on the roofs of busses, and passing a semi truck in a "greyhound" sized bus on a single lane road filled with potholes around a blind corner at 150 km/h with people on the roof and hanging out the doors, and the driver yapping on a cell phone. Its ok though cause the driver honked the horn.

Indonesians would make the best indy car drivers. They allready learn the skills from the time they learn to drive at 6 years old.

4 sub woofers with "2 live crew" and "vanilla ice" cranked to the max in a souped up bemo filled with all your friends is just another ride on public transportation. Tyler Magee, i found your dream job.

Waking up in the middle of the night to tires screaching, the bus swerving, horns honking and headlights beaming right at you is a lot like i imagined death, minus the warm, peaceful feeling. D'arcy got that though when he wet his pants.

To sum it all up. Indonesians have secretly found a way to break the laws of physics. I don't know how, but they did and i'm convinced its the only reason they're still alive. Either that or they just simply do not fear death. While my exeriences driving outside of north america are limited to only indonesia, i cannot imagine anywhere else being any worse. I am quite positive that indonesians are the most insane drivers on the face of the planet, and i hope they are cause i got 4 more months of travelling and i used up my 9 lives about 6 weeks ago.

On a more serious note:

What i've really learned here in indonesia is that this is an amazing country that has been absolutely killed by the downturn in tourism. There is no giant threat of terrorism, nor do i ever feel unsafe. It is a country filled with amazing people, secenery, and a giant love for life. There is no reason not to come here and experience it, despite what the media, american propoganda, or what joe blow on the street thinks he knows. They don't have everything we have back home, nor are they even remotely as wealthy, but when you break it all down, i think they are happier than we are. They live such simple lives, and are not bombarded with the constant pressures of living in a consumeristic society. I've loved my 2 months here and would work 70 hours a week at Office depot and the brick all over again to come back. I really hope my emails and pictures can inspire some people to do the same cause it really has been an amazing two months and i wish you all could experience it.

With that said, I'm currently chilling out in Southeast asia's largest lake in northern sumatra. I left Darcy and Gavin a week ago, as they took off on their quest to go to east timor and renew their indonesian visas. While i love this country, i have far to much to see and to little time so i had to be on my way.

I've spent too long typing out this email, so i'm not going to go into detail on what i've been up to the last couple weeks. Basically i did some more scuba diving, went to a traditional hill tribe and feasted on water buffalo, saw the three colored lakes of kelimutu, and flew from maumere, Flores back to bali (cringe) to find out where to go next. from there, i decided to hop on a flight across almost the entire country up here to sumatra, killed the last week drinking with locals, going to a wedding, and trekking through the rainforrest with wild orang-utans, before heading down here to lake Toba for some relaxation. Friday i fly out to Kuala lampur, Malaysia, and begin chaper 2 of my journey. So yeah, thats that, and till next time...

From ocean depths to mountain tops, and everything in between

I know its been a couple weeks since i've updated last, but i havent really done all that much that is interesting to write about. I've really only spent the last couple weeks surfing, drinking, river rafting, getting attacked by monkeys, chilling on white sandy beaches with turquois waters, becoming a certified scuba diver, swimming underwater with sharks, triggerfish, sea turtles, eels, and any type of tropical fish you can think of, climbing the second highest mountain in indonesia, swimming in a volcano crater lake, and hanging out with hot little indonesian girls who think we are gods. So you can see why not all that much is worth writing about. I'm being sarcastic of course, as usual. I just have to rub it in.

So yeah, if you're still reading on and don't hate me by this point, i can go into a bit more detail. I think i last left off in Bali, where we stayed there way too long for a being a package tourist destination. The only fun things there were surfing (which, by the way, is more difficult than it looks). If any of you plan to try it, make sure you keep the nose of your board up or you'll do face plants into the water, slam your face in the sand, and then, only if you're lucky, get smoked in the back of your head with the board. its a tough life out here in paradise, but i suppose its worth it. Other than surfing, we basically just drank, went to clubs, and spent the days wandering around and eating mcdonalds Mcflurrys. We did go white water rafting, which was pretty fun. The raft in front of us smoked a cliff and flipped over. Me and darcy were lauging our faces off as our guide was going nuts trying to paddle up to them and help them. One of the girls was just getting carried away down the river with the funnies look of fear and helplessness in her eyes. Me and darcy smiled and waved at her. It was all good though. she eventually got to shore and we went out drining with her and her boyfriend later that night so there were no hard feelings.

Fiom kuta bali we made a brief detour to a monkey forrest, where we bought bananas to feed to the cute little guys and Gavin made fun of me for putting mine in my backpack. He was hardcore and walked right in with them in his hand. Oddly enough, as soon as the first monkey spotted him, it jumped on him and started going nuts. so as he was running around screaming, he tried to give me the bananas and i kindly rejected the offering, so he ended up throwing them on the ground and that was the end of them bananas. What i learned there is that monkeys, no matter how cute they may look, are vicious, greedy, little bastards.

Yada yada yada, we took off from the monkey forrest to the island of Lombok (in case you're keeping track at home and playing the "where is Ryan today" game). I'm skipping out so many details cause i just don't have time to write them all. I should note that the ride from monkey forrest to the ferry terminal was the most scared i had ever been in my entire life. Anyway, we got to lombok and yada yada yada, a few days later and another car ride from hell (which was a new record of the most scared i have ever been in my entire life, surpassing the two day old record by about ten fold), we ended up in the gili islands (remember to not that if you're playing the "where was Ryan last week" game at home. Gili Trawangan to be exact, a small paradise island to the north of Lombok, whith white sandy beaches, turquois water and an awfully tempting dive shop with the opportunity to become a certified scuba diver. So after hemming and hawing over the $275 US cost for a couple days, i decided that I'm here in vacation, I worked my ass off to get here, and screw it, i wanna swim with the fishies! So me and Dacry spent 4 days in school, doing homework and tests, and got to go on 4 dives as part of our training. Who knew it was so much training and knowledge to swim underwater? But anyhoo, i cannot express in words how beautiful it is, swimming underwater in tropical oceans and yeah, like i said, i cant express it in words. Its freeking cool. So we were on the island for about 7 days all together and we started getting restless, so we finally took off to the base town of Mount Rinjani back on lombok, where we made preparations for the most strenuous physical activity of my entire life. Once again, who knew climbing the second highest mountain in indonesia would be tough work eh? Add to that, the fact that we were too cheap to get a guide, to cheap to get porters to carry our gear, and even to cheap to fork out the extra dollar a day for a good tent. We went with the more economical "not so good tent" that fell over during the night. So yeah, to give an idea, almost everyone that does that trek has at least a porter with them to carry the gear and cook your food for the three days you're gone. we didn't need one though, we're from canada, land of mountains. We basically survived off mr noodles and boiled volcanic lake water.

The hike up the first day took 9 hours and 45 minutes to the crater rim, where we watched the most beautiful sunset of my entire life. we were so high we were above the freeking clouds! i wish i could upload my photos here cause the view was simply amazing. the next day me and gavin hiked down the 2 hour jouney to the crater lake (it should have taken an hour and a half, but we got lost and had to climb down a cliff which, in hiensight was pretty dumb, but we had no choice cause we had to get down to boil water in order to survive. we made it down alive though, boiled our water, and hiked back up to the crater rim where D'Arcy "i don't have the energy to go to the lake" Hamilton was waiting for us to bring him back water. We camped there that night and then woke the next morning and made the knee breaking climb down to the bottom of the great beast where we chugged a shitload of water to feed our dehydrated bodies (we pretty much elected to starve our thirsts rather than drink the boiled lakewater). Thats the very basic version of the trek though, for i don't have time to write it all. I did get to see my sunrise from the top if an indonesian volcano though, which was awesome. that was one of the number one things i wanted to do on this trip and its done and out of the way. And for all you guys at home who are jealous, remember, it aint all beaches and beer, i had to work for that one. it was tough!

So moving on in my extremely abbreviated summary, we are currently on the island of sumbawa, chilling out in a town called Sumbawa Basar, deciding what to do next. theres so many possibilities and so little time that its hard to make a decison. we can go hike into hill tribes, see ancient ruins and caves, go to a nature reserve with tones of marine and animal life, go scuba diving, hike more volcanos, or move on to the island of komodo and see the komodo dragons! not enough time to see it all though, which is really frustrating. Its a tough life out here.

Stupid White Men

Ok, so i've come to realize that Indonesia is not quite the best place in the world to find internet connections that aren't running off 15 year old computers and connection speeds that take 10 minutes to load a web page. I guess its to be expected, but its frustrating none the less when we're used to what we have at home. Up until now, i simply haven't had the patience to deal with them, but i've now found a place that is manageable, so you all can feel honoured that i'm taking time out of my busy day to update you on my wacky adventures.

I think the last email i wrote was back in Yogyakarta, after we'd gone to borobudur. Since then, quite a bit has happened. So much to tell, and i wish you all could see and experience everything, but i'll just be brief and sum it up quickly cause i've wasted an hour here trying to upload my photos. So basically, after my last email, we were lured up to mount Merapi, with promises of seeing an erupting volcanoe from the summit complete with flowing lava and smoke. In reality, we were not allowed to climb up high because of the danger of it suddenly erupting, and we couldn't see any lava. it was a cool experience though, and the view of the smoking volcano was pretty cool. I learned though to be careful when i drink lots of water cause having to pee on a bumpy bus ride when the driver won't stop and nobody cares is no fun! In D'arcy's last email he said we climbed to the summit, but he, much like the rickshaw drivers here, is a big fat liar. He wanted to sound cool, when in reality he was bitching the entire way up about how he was too tired and just wanted to go home. We didn't even come close to the summit.

So after that trek, we decided that being in a country of 13 000 islands for over a week and not seeing the beach was not sitting well, so we hightailed it to a beach town on the south coast of Java where all the locals from yogyakarta go to hang out and play in the sand. It wasn't quite the white, sandy beaches i was looking forward to, but there were wicked waves to budy surf in, even though we weren't allowed to swim in the water because of huge rip tides, but it was ok cause we are stupid white men. We chilled out there for a few days and enjoyed the peace and quite (as far as indonesian standards go anyway), and then took off to solo, another city east of Yogyakarta where we ate at Mcdonalds, talked to some other travellers (the first we'd talked to the entire trip), and i went on a mini shopping spree buying cheap shit. The best score being my North face rain jacket for 9 bucks, which would be like $250 at home. Even if its fake, its pretty dam good cause we all still can't prove it is. Its crazy how few other travellers we've seen. The bombings have just killed the tourism industry on Java, which is sad cause it really is an amazing place. Being the only travellers has its ups and downs. We got real good deals on stuff cause everyone was so desperate for our business, but annoying because everyone wants to talk to us and sell us stuff and after a while you just get sick and tired of the attention.

So after solo, we took a 10 hour train ride to the base town for another active volcano. The train was such a cool experience. I walked down and stood at the doorway, hanging halfway out the door for what must have been a couple hours and just couldn't get over the feeling and just how good I felt. I feel so free and at peace. Every person i flew by pointed at me like i was some sort of alien. Its such an abstract concept to understand here. in canada we're so used to seeing people of all races, but here, people are so shocked to see us. Its quite a switch.

After getting off the train in Probobingo, we got ripped off taking a bus to the base town of mount Bromo (as we always do, but it still costs us next to nothing in canadian dollars) but we got there none the less Simply the most amazing, surreal landscape i have ever seen in my entire life. Check out the photos if i can get them to work cause they say it all. The first day there we hiked out to the smoking volcano crater and looked down inside. then we threw rocks in and tried to plug up the hole but it didn't work. Then next day we got up at 3am and hiked to the top of the giant outer crater for the sunrise and the view was incredible. I think it used to be a giant volcano that blew its top, filled in with a crater lake, which then dried up to form a desert with newly forming volcanos inside. whatever it is, it was awesome.

From there we took another painful overnight bus to our current location, the island of Bali. Its a whole different world here. There are actually other tourists and white people everywhere. Its a different scene here. Its pretty much the Tourist central of indonesia, the only place most people come. We bought these funny masks and swords for 80 cents canadian and we're gonna get drunk tonight and go attract attention to ourselves. It should be interesting.

So thats my brief update for now. Hopefully after i send this i can get my photos to work cause theres some cool ones. Hopefull everyone's doing allright back home, and i'll have a large Bintang beer for ya all ($1.20 canadian for an 800mL!).

Throw the Foreigners in the Back

Ok, so where to begin.

We got the hell out of jakarta a few days ago. While it was definitly an interesting experience, we couldn't stand to stay there any longer than we had to. The only really cool experience there was when we were approached by three young schoolgirls on the street who asked us if we would go with them to their school and talk about our country. their english was quite good and they loved us. the day after that we met up with darcys brother Gavin and we all agreed it was time to get out of there as soon as we could. We tried to catch a train east and head to a city called Jokda (thats how it sounds, i have no idea how to spell it) but the trains were full so we had to settle for some little van/bus thing.

The bus ride was hell. they basically tricked us foreigners into thinking the back was the best, but really it was where the seats didn't recline, there was no leg room, and every bump in the road jarred my neck loose from my spine. so after the longest 12 hours of my life and complete hell overnight on that little bus we got dropped off at borobudur, the largest buhdist stupa in the world that is 1200 years old. Definitly a lot cooler than the chaos of jakarta. This is the indonesia i came to see. We were celebrities on top of the temple, as all the school kids wanted to take pictures of us whities. we must have posed for about 200 photos, but it was a cool experience.

That night we chilled out in the town, borrowed bicycles from our guesthouse and gave'r around town. we got to see a traditional javanese dance and a puppet show. I can't get over how friendly the people are here. always smiling, always saying hi and trying to help. its awsome. Right now I am hungover in Jokda, and we're deciding where to go next. I love it, everyday is a whole new opportunity to do whatever the hell i want. I have so many cool stories and things I wish you all could see but alas, i must go cause i have so much to see and do (actually i just want to go swim in the pool), but keep the emails coming and if anyone has any questions in particular i'll try and answer them in my next email